Abraham Lincoln Dad (Article 2)

Abraham Lincoln and his wife, Mary, had four sons. They suffered together through the deaths of two of the boys; Eddie in 1852 at three years old and Willie in 1862 at eleven. Mary also survived Tad, who died in 1871, six years after President Lincoln’s assassination. Only their first son, Robert, lived through adult-hood.

But those are only basic historical facts. Lincoln relished his role as a father. Of course, both he and Mary were devastated by the deaths of Eddie and Willie and grieved for some time. But Lincoln knew he had to still be a caring father to Robert, Willie and Tad after little Eddie’s death; and then especially to young Tad after Willie’s death (Robert was already seventeen and away at school). Mary, however, experienced incapacitating grief for much longer than Lincoln and one contemporary, speaking of Tad, noted that Abraham was now the only parent for the little boy.

There is a modern saying that almost any man can become a father, but not all become a Dad. So, how was Lincoln as a Dad?

Abraham Lincoln did not have a close relationship with his father, Thomas, who was very strict and showed no support for young Lincoln’s determination for self-improvement, including his desire to become better educated. Perhaps as a result of the restraints his father placed upon him, Lincoln became a very supportive, and permissive, father to his sons. As is common with most parents, Lincoln seemed to become even more lenient with each boy born after Robert. To be fair to Lincoln regarding his relationship with Robert, he was often traveling for weeks at a time throughout central Illinois as part of the legal circuit during Robert’s early years; however, he was at home much more as the other boys were growing up. Robert acknowledged that he knew his father loved him, but their relationship, while supportive and kind, was more formal. The younger boys certainly enjoyed more “rollicking” time with their father,

And rollick they did!

The boys were almost always welcome in Lincoln’s law offices, sometimes to the consternation of his partners. Most of them commented that Lincoln would happily sit by while his sons had the run of the office, frequently leaving a mess in their wake. Then, when the Lincolns occupied the White House, Willie and Tad had almost complete run of the place; with one Cabinet member remarking that the boys “rambunctiousness” did not bother Lincoln a bit. In fact, after Willie’s death in 1862, Tad had even fewer limitations and would frequently enter Cabinet meetings and perch on his father’s lap. Stories were told by neighbors in Springfield that Lincoln was often met by the “exuberant” boys in the street as he walked home from work; they could not wait to spend time with him. Once, when three sons were clamoring over him, a neighbor asked what the “ruckus” was about this time and Lincoln laughingly replied that he only had two coins and all three boys wanted one. In his Lincoln biographies, Carl Sandburg includes many such anecdotes and recollections by family, friends and neighbors illustrating Lincoln’s deep love for, and his relationships with, all of his sons.

So, I believe Abraham Lincoln was a Dad, in the best sense of the word.

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